My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
