Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he shaved USA in his pubs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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