btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
