ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
