May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
