the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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