I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
