so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
