fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
