when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
vagina is talking i cant
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
