Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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