I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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