The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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