Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
