cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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