I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
