I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sarcasm needs its own font
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
