We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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