dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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