So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
