Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
