I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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