Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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