Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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