party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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