My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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