Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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