turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
