I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
