She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
