I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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