You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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