In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
