sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
