Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
