I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
