as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
