apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
