Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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