so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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