Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
