i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
