I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
