youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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