You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
