R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
