eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
