My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
