genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
