Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
