i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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