ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
