sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
