i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
