One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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