just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
