PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
