ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
