I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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