You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
