how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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