I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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