the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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