She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
