i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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