mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
