It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Randomize
