We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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