Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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