I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
