I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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