my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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