So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
