I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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