I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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