Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she smelled like a LAN party
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
